The other day I was telling someone that we have four children, and they asked me, “Did you ever see yourself as a mom of 4? How many kids did you want to have?” My honest answer is I never really thought about it. I hoped I would be a mom, but I never thought about how many children I would have. I never really thought about being married either, though I hoped to be married one day.
Honestly, having four children
Now that we do have four children, and since we just had our youngest 6 months ago, I get asked often “so, are you planning on having more?” This question. When I am asked this question, I feel like my answer is too great for the question itself. I assume they want a simple yes or no. But when people ask how many kids we “plan” on having my answer is usually “as many as the Lord gives us.” Ya’ll, I honestly 100% feel like it is not my place to “choose” when and how many children we should have. This is a BIG thing. And I have 30 year track record of making bad choices in some way, shape, or form – so seriously, what in the world would qualify me to choose? But if you back up and look at the bigger picture, you easily see that we don’t really “choose” whether we decide to or not anyway right? There are many loving couples who would love a child, but have not conceived. There are also couples who end up expecting when they least expected right? This big picture outlook is where I am coming from with my answer.
So far, each of our four kiddos is 2 years apart, but we honestly didn’t “try” having any of them except our son. After we had our oldest daughter, we were so smitten we were ready to have another (hopefully a boy) as early as a year after. With all the others, including our first, we decided it was too hard to “choose” so we chose to just sit back see what the Lord would do. This isn’t easy. Each time, as the 2 year mark creeps closer, my husband starts panicking a little because more children equals more people to provide for. After our third he told me he felt like we were done, which was mostly fear from remembering how much I hurt during my recovery. But the Lord softened my husbands heart and he was the one telling everyone it was time for us to have number 4. Once I heard him say it out loud, I knew it was the Lord and started mentally preparing for our forth sweet baby. Now, I honestly can’t believe she is only 6 months because she just eased into our crew like she was always there.
The Lord keeps reminding me, through random people that I cross paths with, that these babies are such a blessing. Ya’ll, they are so worth it all. These are special reminders to me that He loves me despite my past decisions, struggles, and shortcomings. These precious babies are a gift and they have a purpose. Each day I am SO THANKFUL to watch them learn and grow. Since we work with high school students, I often have parents telling me that time flies by so quickly, that their high schoolers just started school yesterday. And I am so thankful for the constant reminder to cherish each day.
I could sit at the computer (all day) every day stressing over *all the things*, and a lot of days I do. But I have been really trying to remind myself that my babies won’t be little for long, and the work can wait. I have a bit of workaholic in me…so this is a struggle. The deadlines and helping our customers are important to me so I put aside the Bible study time or playing with my kids. There is always something new and urgent to get done, but there are only four little Tademy babies. They won’t be babies for long. And some days I’m so scared I’ll wake up and they will be in high school